I Named My Brain Kevin, and He’s Terrible with Money

Kevin strikes again. 🙄

It was well after 2 a.m. when Kevin decided we needed a $117 LED moon lamp. A classy one, not some cheap plastic thing. We were adults after all.

I was barely conscious. Doomscrolling. But "Kevin," ... Kevin was wide awake and very convinced that soft lighting (classy lighting) was the missing piece in our financial life.

Kevin is my brain. I go everywhere with him.

Naming my brain Kevin isn't technically a joke (though it’s funny to me).

I gave him a handle because it gave me something to work with instead of something to fight against.

And the thing about Kevin is: he’s terrible with money, just garbage, a monkey riding a bull in a china shop. He's terrible with a lot of things! But he's also pretty great in ways that surprise people- so there's that.

Why name your brain in the first place? 🧠

For a long time, I thought "I" was bad with managing my money. Lazy. Irresponsible. Forgetful. Maybe broken even. Even though I knew what to do and how to do it, intellectually.

Then my therapist dropped this one on me: “What if it’s not you failing? What if it’s just a part of you that’s trying to help? Just, badly?”

Boom.

Enter Kevin.

Naming your brain is a classic neurodivergent strategy. Especially if you’re dealing with ADHD, autism, or chronic executive dysfunction. It externalizes the behavior so you can observe it, engage with it, and start to manage it.

It’s not you impulse-buying AirPods or rabbit-holing podcast microphones (Shure MV7+, I'm looking at you!). It’s Kevin, trying to buy a sense of control or dopamine or simply soothing itself. It's still your responsibility, but it's not your shame anymore.

Key shift: Naming the part of your brain that derails you makes you into the team captain—not the failure.

Meet Kevin: My inner financial chaos goblin 🧙

Kevin is impulsive. He has never met a late-night Etsy shop or TikTok product he didn’t see potential in.

Kevin hates opening envelopes. He believes budgeting is a form of betrayal. He has a pathological belief that "we’ll figure it out later" counts as a fiscal plan.

He’s downright charming, but has the financial instincts of a caffeinated raccoon.

But Kevin also has upsides:

• He’s creative with side hustles
• He’s generous to a fault
• He’s just trying to keep the dopamine coming baby

Learning to see him clearly was the first time I didn’t see myself as a train wreck.

What changed when I named my gray matter? 🪠

Before Kevin, every mistake felt like a referendum on me. I could feel the rejection a mile away.

Now?

Me: “Kevin, we cannot DoorDash $42 sushi + fee + tip because you watched a cooking reel.”

Kevin: “But look at the crispy rice!”

Instead of fighting my impulses, I can talk to them.

Kevin doesn’t respond to shame. He responds to structure and rewards. So I started giving him options:

• Open one bill = 10 minutes of mindless YouTube
• Budget check-in = dopamine snack
• Visual trackers = sticker system for grown-ass adults (Kevin loves stickers)

This isn’t about cutesy hacks. It’s behavior change that respects your wiring.

And here's the moment it clicked for me—the "ah-ha":

One night, I made a deal with Kevin: if we did a quick 5-minute look at our bank balance, we could bail and watch anime guilt-free. We did it. Then we did it again the next day. And the next.

That tiny shift? It was the first time I felt like I could coach my brain instead of surviving it. Kevin wasn’t sabotaging me. He was just scared. And when I stopped yelling and started listening, everything changed.

So why do ND brains avoid finances? 🕵️‍♀️

Because most money systems weren’t built for us.

• Tiny fonts (I know it sounds silly, but being able to digest ideas without friction is critical!)
• Vague due dates
• Shamey vibes
• Zero accommodation for executive dysfunction or emotional regulation
• Poor or missing visual interfaces for those who have difficulty with number perception

For neurodivergent folks, money isn’t just numbers—it’s emotional baggage or the PTSD they evoke.

Spending can soothe rejection. Avoidance protects us from shame. Obsessing offers control when life feels unmanageable.

So we freeze. Or fawn. Or run. And then blame ourselves for not "adulting."

Naming your brain doesn’t erase these systems. But it gives you a way to talk back. To say, “Okay Kevin, I see you. Let’s do this our way.”

How to name your cerebrum (and turn it into a budget sidekick) 👨‍💻

Quick Start Guide: Naming Your BrainPick a name. Funny or serious, whatever fits your vibe.Spot patterns. What does your brain do with money? What are its tells?Profile it. Motivations, fears, stressors, and strengths.Create rituals. Use rewards, visuals, or timers to shift behavior.Assign a role. Let your brain be your Financial Dopamine Director or Chaos Coordinator.

Name ideas to get started:

Male: Kevin, Dave, Carl, Hank, Oliver, Tony, Frank, Marvin, Gus, Roy, Dennis, Clyde, Simon, Jeremy, Todd, Bruce, Milton, Nigel, Stuart, Leo

Female: Karen, Janet, Denise, Tina, Marge, Wanda, Susan, Linda, Dolores, Trish, Ruth, Bonnie, Cathy, Sharon, Glenda, Debbie, Carol, Elaine, Nancy, Joyce

Neutral: Moxie, Orbit, Vesper, Jazz, Echo, Fern, Sky, Quinn, River, Sage, Riley, Phoenix, Indigo, Nova, Avery, Rowan, Marley, Rain, Sol, Lux

Absurd/Funny: Blip, Toast, Pickles, Crouton, Bloop, Snax, Puddle, Bean, Zorp, Loaf, Zip, Gremlin, Noodle, Clamps, Tater, Meeble, Fuzz, Glitch, Spoons, Wobble

Visual tip: Turn this into a comic or use a picker in your journal. Make it tangible.

Kevin isn’t the problem. Hiding him is. 🫀

This is bigger than money.

Most of us grew up believing that if we couldn’t do something the "normal" way, we were the problem. That if we failed at consistency, it meant we were irresponsible.

But what if we just needed a different approach?

Naming your brain doesn’t fix everything. But it gives you:

• A compassionate lens
• A pattern-breaking tool
• A way back to yourself

And hey, maybe your Kevin isn’t terrible with money. Maybe they just need a budget they can actually see, a planner that’s not designed to feel like homework, and a coach who doesn’t talk down to them.

That’s why we're building our Divergent Money Coach system.

Because Kevin deserves more than a little support too!

Your Turn: What’s Your Kevin’s Name? 🚀

Drop it in the comments or reply to the newsletter. We’ll feature the funniest, most relatable ones in a future post.

[COMING SOON! Downloadable: Meet Your Kevin Worksheet]
Name, traits, triggers, budget role, and reward system